Subject: Thanksgiving Fathers
From: "Fatherhood Foundation" <[email-masked]>
To: "Warwick Marsh" <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 15 Feb 2004 06:43:45 +1000

Issue No. 77-16th February, 2004

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Welcome to fathersonline.org

Dads with Young Children

Grandads

Laughter

Single Dads

Special Feature

Thought for the Week

News & Info

Dad's Prayer

Mission Statement & Help Us!

Welcome to fathersonline.org

Dear Warwick,

Last week I had a trip to Parliament House, Canberra.  Over the last few years, most of my trips to Canberra have centred on promoting the need to restore fatherhood in our nation.  This visit was different.  The focus of our two days in Federal Parliament and Government House was centred, not on the need to restore fatherhood, but on the need to restore thankfulness.  I believe they are linked.

If you have been a reader of our fathersonline weekly email for any length of time you would be aware that I have a passion for prayer.  My other column, ‘Dad’s Prayer’, often ends with a thank you.  We all have someone to look up to and thank. We can all thank our father in heaven or the ‘great father’ as the great outback pioneer John Flynn used to say.  There is never any shortage of people to thank; our wives, our children, our families, our friends, our bosses, and the list goes on.

Last Wednesday, 11th February, the Governor General, Michael Jeffrey, officially lunched Australia’s inaugural National Day of Thanksgiving, to be held on Saturday, 29th May, 2004.  It will be celebrated every year thereafter and linked in with the Christian church calendar to ensure its yearly celebration.  Over 100 community leaders, representing every state in Australia heard the GG’s heart for the nation.  Following is an excerpt from his speech. The complete speech can be found at:

http://www.gg.gov.au/html/fset_speeches_media_vr.html

“Some people may ask: 'Why do we need a National Day of Thanksgiving at all?' And that's actually not a bad question.

In this globalised and wired world in which we live, the pace of life seems to be accelerating all the time.  People are constantly setting goals, cramming their days with activities - always looking to achieve and move on to the next thing.  I feel that, as a community, we're leaving ourselves with less and less time every day for reflection and to think about others.  There's a tendency for people to become a bit caught up in themselves - maybe even to become selfish and less generous; for people to focus more on rights than responsibilities.  In this atmosphere, we all too often forget to do what should be one of the basics of life - to simply give thanks.

So the Day of Thanksgiving will remind us of the value of praise, and of expressing appreciation and gratitude - be it to our God or humankind.  It will encourage all of us - regardless of our different backgrounds, beliefs and cultures - to say 'thank you'.  For children to thank their parents and teachers for their support and guidance.  And for husbands and wives - or partners - to thank one another for their love and loyalty, and to emphasise the value of their relationship as the basis of stable family life.
Thus, the Day offers multiple opportunities to give thanks to God and humankind - and for that expression to manifest itself in many ways.

I hope, for example, that people will use the Day to reflect on the fact that - despite our great diversity of cultures and religions - Australia is a largely harmonious society.  A society that's fundamentally decent and tolerant; one where people instinctively emphasise the things they have in common rather than their differences, and where faith can and should be allowed to inspire, to give hope and to encourage peace among men and women.

Ladies and gentlemen, May 29, 2004, has the potential to become the start of a significant, grassroots, annual phenomenon in Australia.  Marlena and I trust the Day of Thanksgiving will be a real hit.  And we look forward to it evolving, expanding and taking on local form – to it becoming an important day on the national calendar.

It's now our very great pleasure to officially launch the 2004 National Day of Thanksgiving. Thank you.”

What impressed me the most about the Governor General’s speech was the way in which he called his wife Marlena to his side, and then held hands with her to officially launch the National Day of Thanksgiving.  Michael and Marlena Jeffrey are obviously deeply in love and don’t mind showing it.  Here is a man of 67 years of age, who can still cuddle his wife.  Michael Jeffrey was awarded the Military Cross for active service in the Vietnam War.  He was one of the top brass in the Australian Army and served as the Governor General of Western Australia for seven years.  Michael Jeffrey has the top position in the nation, but he can still find the time to ask his wife to come to his side, publicly honour her as they joyfully launched a national day of thanksgiving to help us all to learn how to say ‘thank you’ again.  Certainly he was the right man for the job and with four kids and several grand children he has also got the runs on the board as an exemplary father & grandfather.

The Fatherhood Foundation has committed to becoming a major sponsor of the National Day of Thanksgiving.  This could be a landmark for Aussie dads as they reinvigorate their families and the nation through the multiplication of thanksgiving.  We are providing media expertise and other assistance.  If you would like to partner with the Fatherhood Foundation in this endeavour, please go to the ‘Help Us’ section at the end of the newsletter.

Lovework

Hope you had a fruitful Valentines Day.  Your lovework this week is to say thank you to your wife, children and those around you.  Don’t wait until May 29th, but choose three people to say thank you to and watch ‘the powerful notion of thanksgiving’ begin to change your world for the better.

Yours for thankful fathers

Warwick Marsh

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Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 28 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 23 years to 11 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Dads with Young Children

THE ART OF FATHERING
THE SPARE WHEEL

by Paul sloan

Have you ever found yourself, when trying to reinforce an adult message to children,tending to use those special little analogies? How do you explain to a 14 year old that he/she is supposed to be a part of this family, and is expected to participate gladly in this role? How do you get the message across that teenagers aren’t adults just yet, and that mum and/or dad are the ones actually in charge if this household? A good friend of mine was explaining to me the other day, when trying to get a message across to his young children, how he used this little gem to reinforce the theme of “family” – and he said I could use it!

First put yourself in the picture: It’s hot, real hot (38 degrees), everyone’s a little tense, the youngest who is 3 years old is demanding, and in his own special way letting the whole world know that right now it’s Juice time. The 10-year-old daughter is continually escaping the verbal sarcasm and clutches of the older brother, and certainly voicing her dislike of such attention with an increased decibel response. And the older brother…well what can you say about a 14 year old (boy) trying to be a man? And attitude!!! See if this sounds familiar - Apparently it’s trendy to be all of the following: Have the enthusiasm of a three toed sloth; dress sense that the word slovenly doesn’t even come close; the obligatory boxer shorts hanging out of the oversized very low pants; baseball cap on top of uncombed hair; teeth not brushed; and the mobile phone at the ready. Oh…I nearly forgot; don’t respond to others; don’t smile; grunt instead of talk; and generally play hard to get along with. Yep…think that’s it!

So, you are heading out to a family do, and the kids are playing up. You want to jump up and down, smack the first one you see, kick the tyres of the car, and blame somebody! What you really need to do is tell these kids that we do things as a family. So what approach do we take? I am sure we have tried many. My mate suggests this:

Everyone sit down. Now kids, tell me what you see on that car out there, what makes it go. After many responses, motor; driver; key; petrol… the word wheel or tyre should be bandied around. Now think about those tyres; what happens if one of the tyres were flat, what would happen to the car? That’s right, it wouldn’t go. Now imagine each member of the family as one of those tyres. Think about today as we fought and carried on. If one of us isn’t operating properly, we are the flat tyre in the family, and then the family doesn’t operate properly. So, we need all the tyres to be pumped up and available to help this car (family) go where we want it to go.

What do you reckon?
Not a bad way to get the message across eh? I think it’s great. It really emphasises to me that all of the family members are of equal importance, and we all have a role to play. We can’t function without the three year old or the fourteen year old…all are necessary.  This analogy may not work for all, but I believe the ideology behind positive reinforcement, and team oriented behaviour has an ability to lift many individuals in many instances. I know with my fourteen-year-old son, words of affirmation do wonders, and bring out his very best. As a Dad in these busy days, I feel life is too short to be forever grumpy, and certainly too short to be always yelling at my children. A family must have all members (tyres) functioning correctly; and the right fuel to drive it……………….LOVE!

Till Next Time, Paul

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Paul and his wife are the Children’s Ministry Coordinators for the Goodlife Community Centre in Buderim, QLD. Paul has children aged two, ten and thirteen years. Paul is an active surfer and a family man who hasn't lost his sense of humour.

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Grandads

The Role of Grandparents
The face of families may be changing but all three generations do still need one another. Older people are the history of the family, the grandchildren are the future and the parents guard the history and help guide the future.
One study into grandparenting has suggested the following as some of the roles that grandparents undertake:

Historian:
to provide an historical, cultural and family sense of history.

Mentor:
to offer wisdom, teach grandchildren to work with basics of life and to develop a deeper sex role identity

Role Model:
provide a role model for the future grandparents, in ageing, and in developing family relations

Wizard:
grandparents are magical to children, telling stories, and stroking the child’s imagination

Nurturer:
the most basic role, to widen the support system for children.

As grandparents we are able to provide assistance to older grandchildren through:
Identity development:
by providing cultural knowledge and family history and aiding in the resolution of ego identity crisis.

Relationship with parents:
by providing stories and facts about parents, act as confidants, and provide an outlet when parent/teen relations become tense.

Attitudes toward ageing:
a quality relationship aids in developing positive attitudes toward ageing and older adults.

One British study on grandparent/grandchild relationships found that:
One fifth of grandparents felt their main role was as listener, though the greatest number of grandparents felt that being the provider of love was the principal role played. Nearly half rated listening as their second most important role with people stating that stress of modern life contributed to the importance of this role.

In the same study, the words “love” and “caring” were constantly used by the grandchildren to describe what was special about their relationship with their grandparents.

One third of grandchildren thought the role of a grandparent was to look after them, another third felt the role was to give them lots of love! The vast majority of children said they’d like to see their grandparents more often.

The role of the grandparent and the relationship we form with our family will have a profound effect on each family member.
When the relationship is close and intimate between the grandparent and grandchild, an attachment is often developed for life.

This relationship can bring to the grandchild the experiences of being loved and accepted, a sense of security and warmth, an historical sense of self, and the gift of a role model for the future.
What a grandparent gets back from this relationship relates to the value we place on the relationship, and the efforts we make toward building positive intergenerational relationships.

Alternatively, anything that endangers a family’s unit can leave a child caught in the middle and forced to live in a stress-filled world where their family structure, whilst struggling to survive, is a scary place.

Grandparents can help to create a safe haven for our grandchildren.
__________________________________________________________

Extract from 'Grandparenting in the New Millenium' at www.apsl.com.au

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Laughter

The Good Bye Coin

My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening, when we heard sobbing coming from our three-year-old's room.
Rushing to his side, we found Billy crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die.
No amount of talking was going to change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my husband palms a penny that he had in his pocket and pretends to pull it from Billy's ear.
Billy was so delighted, that in a flash, he snatched the coin from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, 'Do it again, Dad!'
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The New Baby

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone that would listen.
She talked about it so much, that even her 4-year-old son often overheard some of her private conversations with friends.
One day when Diane and the boy were out shopping, a woman asked the little fellow if he was excited about the new baby that was coming.
'Yes!' said the toddler, 'and I know what we're going to name it, too.'
'Really?' asked the lady.
'Yes.' said the little boy, 'If it's a girl we're going to call her 'Christina', and if it's another boy we're going to call it 'Quits' !!!

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Single Dads

The Ex Files

by Diana Bagnal

Marriage happens; divorce happens. Those who have been through a split know the pain, the darkness. When children are involved, the key is to have their best interests at heart, to share the parenting. Sounds simple? Tell that to the lawyers, Diana Bagnall writes.

Some marriages end. Mine did, and when that happened four years ago, I entered a place that was completely foreign to me. Extraordinary really, when you think of how many people go there. They say that 50,000 children a year are caught up in divorce in Australia. All those children, and their parents, floundering in the dark (for it is a dark place) with precious little light to guide them, few ropes to hang onto, their hearts broken, their minds scrambled, and the only obvious signposts pointing towards legal offices and the courtroom. It's not a place you want to hang about in. Some people stay for years, desperately seeking justice, although justice is not a word that really belongs here. Others get stuck, disabled by anger and bitterness. But most try to pass through quickly, wanting to settle up and move on. When the grief and confusion of that place have faded, they rarely want to look back. It's as if what happened in that place was not normal. It is. Painfully so.

Getting divorced is as normal as getting married these days, given that nearly one in every two couples who marry eventually split up. But in a society which manages risk for almost every event in life, we don't manage divorce at all, says Anne Hollonds, who runs Relationships Australia in NSW. It's a mess.
It's a mess because we don't understand clearly what we're dealing with.

__________________________________________________________

This is a very captivating article on the Divorce Wars in the Bulletin. The article is lengthy and is printable from the website.

This is important reading for all fathers.Particular discusion centres on the Shared Parenting Report. It is a well researched article. Links to other divorce and separation information is available.

The Bulletin also requests comment on the information in the article. This is great opportunity to record your situation if you feel so moved.

Remember, the tide cannot turn unless their is sufficient force to push the wave.

http://bulletin.ninemsn.com.au/bulletin/EdDesk.nsf/All/69AAA439AF9357C3CA256E3200070297

Great information by The Bulletin..don't miss it.

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Special Feature

PRIME MINISTER

NATIONAL DAY OF THANKSGIVING

In different ways, communities across Australia will join together in common prayer and reflection on 29 May for a National Day of Thanksgiving.

I commend the initiative and endorse the powerful notion of thanksgiving that encourages us to recognise the values and people that sustain us as a nation and to be grateful for those precious things we sometimes take for granted.

On this occasion we will give thanks for our families who are at the foundation of our prosperity as a nation and our fulfilment as individuals.

We will give thanks for Australia and its riches that mark our country as the envy of the world.

We will give thanks for the great many Australians who make sacrifices on our behalf including our servicemen and women who uphold principles of justice, peace and security and others who battle at home against the threat of fire and flood, accident and disease.

We will also give thanks to all those who touch the lives of our fellow Australians who are less fortunate to lift them above poverty and want.

For some, this day will be an occasion to reflect and build bridges while, for others, it will be a time to reconnect with family and loved ones.

For us all, it promises to be a day on which we can give thanks for the many blessings we have as a nation and a people.

John Howard

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Thought for the Week

So the Day of Thanksgiving will remind us of the value of praise and of expressing appreciation and gratitude – be it to our God or humankind

MICHAEL JEFFREY

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News & Info

Relationship Breakdown

In what might be called  a marketing ploy, the world famous Mattel couple 'Ken and Barbie' have split.

The couple's business manager, Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that Barbie and Ken 'feel it's time to spend some quality time apart.'

Excuse the cynicism but one might think that Mattel is taking advantage of the dominating level of separation in our society and will shortly market a range of divorce dolls, further reinforcing that separation is a 'normal' part of our society to the children who will play with them.Social responsibility may well be overtaken by commercial gain.

Rumour has it that Barbie is about to partner an Australian named Blaine.

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Dad's Prayer

Dear God

You’ve done so much for us.

Where do we start in our thanksgiving?

Every breath is a wonder.

Every heartbeat is a miracle.

Every baby’s cry is a tear from your eye.

Thank you for our children.

Thank you for our families.

Thank you for our lives.

Thank you for your creation

in which your handiwork is easily seen

for those who bother to look.

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Mission Statement & Help Us!

Mission Statement
The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and empowering families.

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving.  That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  Life is also about relationships.  That's what being a good father is all about, developing relationships with your loved ones.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation,

please mail your cheque or money order to:

Fatherhood Foundation

PO Box 440

WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520

AUSTRALIA

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